


White Chrysanthemums

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [62]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Tony Stark, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Avengers Family, Bromance, Communication, Courage, Demisexuality, F/M, Families of Choice, Family, Family Feels, Flowers, Friendship, Identity, Identity Issues, Language of Flowers, Male-Female Friendship, Other, Past Abuse, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Research, Self-Discovery, Sexual Identity, Sexual Orientation, Shovel Talk, Support, Team as Family, quoiromantic, wtfromantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: Clint and JARVIS have left out some helpful pamphlets on asexuality and aromanticism.  Tony picks them up to learn about Clint, and winds up learning about himself too.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Love Is For Children [62]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/42722
Comments: 48
Kudos: 108





	White Chrysanthemums

**Author's Note:**

> This is today's freebie, prompted by Dreamwidth user Mylittleangel. It also fills the "Chrysanthemum (white) - Truth" square in [my 2-2-21 "Language of Flowers" card](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12844343.html) for the Valentines Bingo fest. This poem belongs to the series [Love Is For Children](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9744636.html). It follows "[Everyone Should Be Free to Choose](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12825329.html)," so read that first or this won't make much sense.

When Tony found out that  
JARVIS and Clint were together,  
he was a little bemused, but  
mostly happy for you.

"Congratulations,"  
he said to JARVIS.  
"I hope that you have  
better luck in love  
than I ever did."

"Thank you, sir,"  
said JARVIS.

Then Tony turned  
toward the archer.

"I love you as a buddy,  
Clint, but JARVIS is my son,"  
Tony said. "If you break  
his little clockwork heart,  
then I will _end you."_

"Understood," Clint said.  
"I'm not exactly experienced  
in healthy relationships, but  
JARVIS has found me  
some good materials,  
so that's helping."

Sure enough, Tony  
found those materials  
littered around the Tower,  
especially the common floor.

One look at _Intellectual Foreplay_  
made him shudder and drop it.

Was that how other people felt  
about Tony's cyberporn?

He hesitated over the pile  
of pamphlets, not wanting  
to get burned again.

However, if JARVIS  
and Clint were doing  
this asexual thing, Tony  
needed to know more.

Besides, he was a superhero;  
he couldn't be a coward about it  
just because emotions were icky.

 _Asexuality 101_ seemed safer,  
so Tony started with that one.

Asexuals had little or no desire  
for erotic activity, and rarely  
if ever felt sexual desire.  
Okay, that made sense.

Demisexuals could only feel  
sexual desire for someone after  
forming emotional bonds.

"What ... the ... fuuuuck?"  
Tony said, tilting the page  
sideways. He hadn't misread it.  
Well, that made no sense at all.

Then again, he had heard  
Steve say something about  
not really understanding  
the point of good-time girls.

Next Tony tried _Understanding  
Asexuality & Aromanticism_.

Inside, it had definitions for  
asexuality, which was familiar,  
and aromanticism, which Tony  
had never even heard of.

"Lack of romantic attraction,"  
he read. "That's ... interesting."

But it was the next page  
that really clicked for him.

That page had graphs that  
looked like little arc reactors  
in different colors, each one of  
them divided into pie-pieces  
for Support, Commitment,  
Sex, Romance, and Other.

The more of a piece that  
was filled in, the more  
that part mattered in  
a given relationship.

Tony could instantly see  
that he valued sex a lot,  
and support somewhat, but  
many of his relationships  
relied on other things, like  
the lab bromance with Bruce.

Commitment was ... well, Tony  
was trying to learn about that,  
but the whole Obie thing  
made it reeeaaally hard.

Romance? Tony winced.

That was something women  
started to expect after about  
the second or third date,  
and Tony sucked at it.

He didn't understand  
why people couldn't just  
enjoy a jolly good fuck  
and be done with it.

Okay, some men could,  
and that was a key reason  
why Tony loved gay sex.

Women were more like  
chocolate lube: awesome, but  
damn near impossible get off you.

Curious, Tony tried the last pamphlet.  
 _Common Aromantic Identities_ had  
descriptions of different ways that  
people could feel about romance,  
or rather the lack of romance.

He definitely was not aroace,  
because he loved pussy and  
loved dick and all the other bits  
and bobs of bodily pleasure.

He wasn't sure about grayro.  
Had he ever felt the kind  
of hearts-and-flowers that  
people typically described?  
Maybe. Kinda. Sorta.

He felt bad about  
disappointing Pepper,  
at least. Did that count?

Then he found quoiromantic,  
and even better WTFromantic,  
for people who didn't _understand_  
romance or how it was supposed  
to be different from platonic feels.

"Wow," Tony said. "That ... that  
kinda sounds like me. Wow."

There were words for how  
Tony felt about people.

There were _words_ for it.

He wasn't broken, wasn't  
just a craptastic boyfriend or  
a sad excuse for a human being.

He was aromantic. Maybe.  
Probably. More research needed.

But the hypothesis gave him hope,  
and that was what mattered.

"JARVIS, can you print me off  
some copies of these pamphlets?"  
Tony said. "And maybe find me  
some more reading material?  
Not like that awful book, ugh,  
I mean things on asexuality  
and aromanticism and stuff."

"Those pamphlets are spares, so  
you may keep them," JARVIS said.  
"Clint and I thought that some of  
the other Avengers might like  
background reading, so we  
printed up several copies. I  
will compile a reading list and  
add it to your personal files."

"Thanks, J," said Tony. "And  
maybe, uh, something about  
support? Which I'm trying  
to learn. For you and Clint."

"I will add those materials  
to your list," JARVIS said.

"Flowers!" Tony yelped.  
"There are supposed to be  
flowers. That's a thing.  
That I get yelled at about."

"Flowers are often expected  
in romantic relationships, but  
not necessarily in asexual or  
aromantic ones," JARVIS said.  
"It is entirely up to you, sir."

"Pepper likes flowers,"  
Tony said. "I should send ...  
something not sexy like roses?"

"White chrysanthemums symbolize  
truth," said JARVIS. "White flowers  
generally send platonic messages."

"Yeah, that!" Tony said, nodding.  
"And a card, it needs a card."

Tony's phone vibrated.  
He took it out and filled in  
the card form on the screen:

 _I think I might be aromantic.  
I'd like to be platonic friends_.

It probably sucked, but it  
wasn't as bad as some things  
he'd sent while he was hungover.

Or dying, definitely better than those.

"JARVIS, do you think I should send  
flowers to Clint too?" Tony said. "For,  
you know, showing me this stuff."

"I am certain that Clint would  
like to know you appreciate  
the information," said JARVIS.

"Yeah, yeah, send a bouquet  
to him too then," Tony said.

On the card, he put an emoticon  
of a heart with a slash through it, and  
underneath, _Thanks. I needed that_.

This wasn't a robust theory yet,  
it still needed a lot of testing, but

it was the best hypothesis he had.

**Author's Note:**

> [Intellectual Foreplay](http://evehogan.com/index.php/books-and-products/intellectual-foreplay/) is a book of deep relationship questions. Note: for demifolk, romantic asexuals, and other less-carnal orientations, this often parses are hardcore pr0n. If you're really into emotional intimacy rather than squishing bits together, consider your environment before indulging. Everyone has things that really excite them, just not all the same things.
> 
> (These images are Not Safe For Work in most fields.)  
> [Tony's mental porn track](https://web.archive.org/web/20160119074355/http://dangerousminds.net/comments/what_happens_when_you_run_pornography_through_google_deepdream_sheer_bad_tr) is influenced by cyberspace and psychotropics, like [this woman taking a selfie](https://web.archive.org/web/20160119074355im_/http://dangerousminds.net/content/uploads/images/googledream3klnskdlgnkla.jpg) and [this woman firing a rocket out of her ass](https://web.archive.org/web/20160119074355im_/http://dangerousminds.net/content/uploads/images/googledream5kldsngklnksd.jpg). Most people find such images more disturbing than sexy.
> 
> [Asexuality 101](https://acesandaros.org/resources/asexuality-101) ([page 1](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/590/060055b0-3ef9-4551-9a0e-bf0e57742bae), [page 2](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/591/d27bc818-8b26-4a6a-9d27-e8a251394650))  
> A flyer by Asexual Outreach  
> Asexual Outreach’s Asexuality 101 flyer provides an overview of the asexual spectrum, introduces romantic orientations and the aromantic spectrum, and speaks to the intersection of asexuality with race and disability. It's a great resource to give to people who are seeking a concise introduction to asexuality.
> 
> [Understanding Asexuality and Aromanticism](https://acesandaros.org/resources/understanding-asexuality-and-aromanticism) ([cover](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/589/48551316-19b1-44ae-81c2-41fe07ec8521), [interior](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/585/ab9ddd4f-b1fe-423e-a8a6-f39c99f30688))  
> This brochure provides a brief overview of ace and aro identities, relationships, and issues. This easy to read introduction is a fantastic resource to share with people who are getting to know and understand our community.
> 
> [Common Aromantic Identities](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5cb6e4d565019f0c5aa6cf20/t/5d3940c611c8130001460a6f/1564033222828/Common+Aromantic+Identities+%28U.S_CAN%29.pdf)  
> By AUREA  
> This flyer defines several different ways that aromantic people define themselves.
> 
> Learn [how to support an asexual friend](https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/03/support-asexual-friend/).
> 
> [A Beginner's Guide to Being an Aromantic Ally](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5cb6e4d565019f0c5aa6cf20/t/5d0c0defddee9c00011ac605/1561071087455/A+Beginners+Guide+to+Being+an+Aromantic+Ally+%28U.S_+CAN%29.pdf)  
> By AUREA  
> This short handout provides actionable steps to better support aro people.


End file.
